Life's queer

2012-01-29T23:44:00.001-08:00

2012-01-28T01:12:00.001-08:00

National Voters Day, 25th January 2012

2012-01-17T03:27:00.000-08:00

Voting: A right or a forced responsibility?

Being a student of political science and a social worker, I wonder what does voting mean to me and my compatriots. After reflecting over the process of juggling with thoughts while voting every year since the age of eighteen, I came across certain issues that need necessary mending in order to cast my vote for the coming Mumbai Municipal Elections on the 16^th February.

Mumbai Municipal Election: issues of a Mumbaikar:

Beyond solid waste management and storm drains there are numerous issues which a voter faces in his day-to-day life:

Ø Illegal hoardings, parking on roads, uprooted paver-blocks covering the drains

Ø Unnecessary honking by vehicles, violation of pedestrians’ right, driving over the footpaths to avoid signals.

Ø Use of sky-walks for other purposes like illegal vending, anti-social activities (e.g. eve-teasing)

Ø The consistent and unnecessary digging of roads to put up hoardings, pandal structures right in the middle of crossroads/road junctions (e.g. ganeshotsav pandals, garba pandals for DJs, 31^st December programmes, etc.)

Ø Problem of stray dogs, mice (climbing up my window-pane on the first floor!)

Ø Open defecation near railway tracks.

Ø Arbitrary refusal by auto-rickshaw drivers for availing transportation during peak hours.

Ø Illegal market places, creating congestion on road. (The other side of this issue is non-availability of land to declare a hawker zone to provide people a market place!)

The above points may seem smoothened by reiteration…but these issues are very much a bone of contention between the facilities provided by the MCGM and the cost-effective but illegal “functioning” of the parallel system. For instance, I buy vegetables on my way home from the station in a market which is near the station but not a legal market zone! I save time, energy and money…whereas the mercenary officials of MCGM collect their “hafta” from the vendors as a convenience, later feigning to confiscate the same vending stalls!

It is interesting to note that the MCGM does not have the will to work even though it has the authority and time; and the people do not have the time and energy to complain against such issues in the race to earn their daily bread and butter!

Yet, the whole endeavor of voting at the elections is a testimony of the people’s sovereignty and might, that make the political parties bow down once in five years to gain confidence or retain the same!

Voting – selection or elimination process? A right or a forced responsibility?

The mode of political representation is like walking a tight rope! As a voter, it is always difficult to express whether to choose a candidate or end up choosing one, after eliminating the rest. Many say, the political ideology, the rank and file of the political party, the discipline and issues raised by the party help in deciding the political representative. However, the candidates nominated by these parties for contesting elections have their personal agendas as well. How can we forget defections and coalitions are the flavour of local, regional and national politics! The public mandate must weigh the trustworthiness of the candidate more stringently, because often the personal favouritism, boot-licking, party whip and order of the high command melt down the efficacy of the candidate. Hence, the choice should be such that public representative can standby the people and not oscillate according to the whims and fancies of the political swings. Voting is just a step. Conscious voting adds substance to the activity.

Voting is a right. Let us not turn it into a forced responsibility! We claim our rights by effectuating on them and not by hibernating on them. (It’s a Virtue Of Thought Effect!).

Every single vote should make sense to bring out a sensible outcome. How will it be done? Voting should be an outcome of sound reflection, not deviated by superficial issues, parochial interests or even vengeance! It is a collective act of choosing a representative for collective benefits, though exercised individually. What matter most are the issues that are close to the heart of the people at large and not sectional, fragmented issues that divide the mandate. A citizens’ charter is highly influential to check the reliability of the promises that the contesting candidates put forth in their manifestos. It is essential to come together, voice our common interests and set them as a standard parameter on which the candidate must face the litmus test.

People are not apolitical; they have become vehement due to the obscure political dogmas. With the MCGM elections declared, the time is ripe to take a step forward. To make impact through the “VOTE”! Some small steps that can help us take a conscious decision:

v Comparison of current and previous election manifestos of all political candidates. (shows approach towards issues – dynamic or static)

v The conduct and activities of these candidates since the last elections (whether developmental or lax)

v The funding received by these candidates and their source or income – where does it come from and how it is utilized (shows transparency in functioning and ethical practices)

v Accessibility of the candidate to the public during his tenure. (shows public-friendly nature)

v Events attended or sponsored by the candidate during his tenure. (reflects his outlook towards those issues)

v Issues traced, handled and resolved during tenure. (shows the prioritizing of issues and style of functioning)

Hence, the above mentioned criteria will help us judge the candidate and make our vote more influential.

In order to effectuate the process, it is worth mentioning the “Meet your candidate” event, organized by AGNI (Action for Good Governance and Networking in India) at the ward-level, wherein these questions can be asked directly to the candidate and he/she can be held accountable.

Let us resolve to make our VOTE felt by taking a conscious decision after thorough reflection. Join various discussion forums, make your presence felt at the “Meet Your Candidate” event and use social networking (be it through internet, college groups or even your local train groups!) to keep track of the candidates.

Identity of a voter – is he sovereign or conditioned (role of press, political parties and family norms).

It is often seen that the voter is just a number for the political parties, to turn them into majority and reign. The psyche of a political party revolves around the numerical “majority” politics, which is not destabilized even by a significant dissenting minority.

The voter needs a make-over in this sense. The power of recall can prove a threat to this unperturbed feel-good factor! The citizens who vote the majority to power can utilize this weapon by consistently reflecting over their activities and political ventures! This growing political consciousness among the voters will bring down the edifice of fallacies that glosses over – ‘a voter is non-existent!’ attitude – after the candidates win the elections.

A person is qualified as an adult and a voter at the age of 18 years. He/She has the right to make his/her own informed decision as to whom to vote and why. Also, it is a confidential matter. Hence, the influence of family members affiliating to a particular ideology and political party may blind-fold the sense of conscience. Yet, it can be said that this indoctrination can be subdued if replaced by factual analysis. A comparative study put forth in front of the people may help; needless to say this is to curb the bandwagon effect.

The role of media plays a major influential role during elections. It is a two-way communication: the editorials and the letters to the editor both are oozing with juicy election propaganda. The pros and cons are seldom put together in one article. Hence, choosing cautiously what one reads and how it is to be interpreted is a debatable matter. The panelists on the television cannot be the decision-makers who yell and shout pretending to stand firm on their views; which post-elections often fade out!

Therefore, it is only the wearer who knows where the shoe pinches! Voters can judge candidates in the light of the problems they face!

13/7/2011

2011-08-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

Some people may not return home today,

Some people may find alternate existence,

Some shattered to pieces, crumbled like mortal creatures,

Some revisited in memoirs for their immortal ventures.

In the name of humanity, in the name of God,

A man belies the other, defies oneness,

The mere existence on this humble Abode

Is it too much, too in vain to demand Peace?

The mind ruptures, the heart shudders,

The soul shivers in the shrill cries and moans,

It finds no room for the principled-rationale,

It brings out the deep innate ruthless vengeance!

One succumbs to the less-human vagaries,

Picks up one's own belittled self in resilience,

Walking each step in the gloom of lost spirit,

Marching towards morbid civilian facade!

Everyone knows who pays for the sin,

I know, You know and even He knows,

It's not the sinner, my dear friend,

It's the one who gives birth to humanity!

A Confused Patriot....

2010-10-29T09:16:00.001-07:00

A reaction to Arundhati Roy’s statements:

Dear blogger...

(to the one who is concerned..)

I have one doubt, Roy made a passing reference to kashmiri pandits..just to sound "judicious" or i guess "secular"!
But, there's no doubt, your article speaks what "billions of Indians" feel everyday! Because its not just "writers commune" that has proprietary rights for "thinking and expressing"!
Who would take pride in a chronic pain, disturbing wound in their heart! Ask the Kashmiris, be it the pandits or the muslims, or the sufis (which, Ms.Roy, conveniently forgot!) They want peaceful life like any other state! Have you asked them what is their conceptualisation of "azadi"? Its not just demilitarisation! It is need for economic upliftment, employment, education, health, child welfare, women empowerment!
Its well said "when in Rome do as Romans do"! Has this rubbed on over Roy's free-spirited thinking process, as she confines herself only to the "hurriyat's Rome"?
She illustrated her statements quoting the agony and pain of stone-pelters, widows (Are u talking about widows of militants' or the soldiers'?), Shopian rape victims, the bodies of soldiers decaying in Cuddalore! A small question, what about the soldiers buried in graveyards of Kashmir, on the Siachen, at Kargil, in Anantnag, Budgam, Sopore; where they fight day-in day-out to save the villagers from bullets (often recorded as "misfired shots")! Is it a happy, brave act to stand for 36-48 hours continuously on toes with eyes wide open "just" to take care of 200 people with no idea whether you would be hit by bullets from across the border or some maniac, less-human stone-pelter while on duty! As a writer, you would "express" that's what soldiers are recruited for! Isn't it?
So given that, writers have the freedom to express, its their right! Let's assume an "Azad Kashmir". But then, please illustrate, what do they ("freedom fighters") as well as you mean by "expression", "justice", "representation", "freedom", which needs an urgent clarification! A nation that puts in its political, military, economic, social and cultural value and ethic in the abode of its "rightful citizens" giving them not just freedom to express but (liberally) act out on what they speak, hardly leaves anything to pity but citizens like you spitting on its image with less care for those Kashmiris having ray of hope in their nation's efforts towards putting Kashmir on the global map for some right reasons! Let me illustrate, the efforts of state tourism dept. to preserve Kashmir's cultural heritage (giving the historic evidences of it being a city built in "India" and preserved by "India", which is now a threatened world heritage site, thanks to the local leaders of azad kashmir and the stone-pelting young aspiring founders of wishful "Azad Kashmir"! (For reference, http://www.kashmirfirst.com/articles/other/070613_threatened_heritage.htm)

Another refernce of a writer, scholar (I hope Ms. Roy doesn't object for calling this person a writer!) then I dare to provide this book as a reference for Billions of Indians, that include "millions of Kashmiris" and the agonised stione-pelters and respected Hurriyat leaders as well: please get your facts right and respect other's "freedom of expression" as well! (http://books.google.co.in/books?id=It1LePnN2LsC&pg=PA1&lpg=PA1&dq=Kashmiri+heritage+in+the+global+world&source=bl&ots=qvieAzvI6-&sig=RU5txZwrIo3OANjayq4G7NvFYuI&hl=en&ei=ConJTJCgGoagvgPo1tgR&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6&ved=0CEAQ6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q=Kashmiri%20heritage%20in%20the%20global%20world&f=false)

Now a small reflection on this to my brethren:

We need a "global" mediator to speak for our bilateral security problems, we need a commission to justify the chapters in history, to compartmentalize history into black-n-white, we need an arundhati roy to vaccilate or woes, we need lalu prasad yadavs to teach us civic sense, a rahul gandhi to smile charismatically for encouraging youth to join politics, we need tainted parliamentarians to teach us constitutional-ism and anti-legacy politics, we need IITs IIMs alone to prove Indian "talent", we need to fight for patents, be it turmeric or jatropha, we need IPCC to take care of our climate change crisis, we need foreign research organisations to promote "research-oriented" think tank initiatives in our own country...well i need to stop here! I believe, writers are not stray dogs, they are loyal to their words! be it fiction or non-fiction! If this be so for the sake of azadi and justice, Ms.Roy, Indians deserve this?
Being a communist, what's your take on the Hurriyat's efforts for setting up a political representation? If you have to express your dissent through hateful speeches and sympathize stone-pelters...then communist would pity you more! The reason is "communism" comes with a classless society and not forceful Azadi! Next time you meet Mr.Gilani, do ask him about the economic disparity in "his" state and his ideological stance which propagates entrepreneurship by Hurriyat! A mere INR 300 or so does not fill the stomach of stone-pelters (with reference to: 1)http://www.defence.pk/forums/kashmir-war/63753-stone-pelting-becomes-lucrative-business-kashmir-valley.html
2)A mixed bag of opinions on the following link:
http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/article550058.ece
with this comment:
"You write about "teenagers armed only with rocks"... etc, without asking where the rocks came from. Actually, you have ignored the reports that the "rocks" were supplied in trucks and carts. It means that the riots and "stone-pelting" were not spontaneous, but ORGANIZED by anti-India elements. Did you also not see the TV news and viceos showing that pro-Pak elements had actually hired the so-called rioters, paying them something like Rs.300 per hour. The chief trouble maker asked his assistant that at least 15 persons should get killed and become "shahids". It was all on tape.
In the light of he above, I earnestly request you to get a more balanced understanding of the position of the "security forces", and present a balanced analysis in your essays. It would appear that the J&K police is hand in glove with the Pak-backed mischief makers.
from: Bandit Moorkhjee
Posted on: Aug 4, 2010 at 12:54 IST

liberating your soul!

2010-10-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

It all began with the movie, “The Hours”. The lives of three women in three different time periods, undergoing mood disorders seemed as if ‘I’ was somewhere hidden in the emotions of those characters. My personality being coloured by their characteristics and ways of thinking and feeling!

I had no idea that I could get so involved in this movie that I would be in total disconnect with my present for many “hours”. I write a lot…forget the world around when I write….my characters in the short stories live, eat, drink, sleep and dream with me! The stories I write advance day-in and day-out with me, with the dialogues constantly wriggling in my mind. I thought I was really becoming a paranoid! Almost!

Writing takes you to an entirely new world….It makes you feel as if everything is possible, flexible, conceivable and free spirited! It gives you the freedom, the liberty to make things work, sound and transform as you want and the way you want them to proceed! It gives you a feeling of control over yourself and over ‘that’ something which you create!

It is a good exercise for your mind to pour out your creativity. Yet, at times, it may get on to you, where it becomes an obsession, an addiction and you start living in two worlds. In the extreme cases, like Virginia Woolf, as pictured in the movie, is so engrossed in sketching her characters of the novel she is writing that she forgets the real life she lives in! It happens to me often. I tend to discard what goes on in the real world, think of abandoning it, denying it. I am more comfortable in my stories. They give me pleasure and foremost, a control over my ownself. I make my own decisions, decide my own activities or tasks, take up those activities that I like the most to do, instead of what I am suppose to do!

It sounds too exaggerating to compare myself, with a great writer. But, it’s the character in the movie I am speaking of! I am sure most of the bloggers would agree with me, that writing gives you a relief! Not a kind of escapism, but a relief to live one’s life in those moments…. It is so liberating for your soul!!!

Phoenix!

2010-10-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

Here's something I call inspiring:

I had been to Institute of Psychological Health, i.e. IPH's award ceremony known as "Dwij Puraskar". "Dwij" refers to 'reborn'. IPH confers this award to those who have overcome their disorder or mental disability after accepting it, fighting it and also propagating importance of mental health!

When a person falls ill, what does he/she do? Go to the doctor, get treated and take medication till one is back to normal! How do you relate this to mental health? Here in lies the difference in point of view towards mentally ill people! People call them names, start teasing, demeaning, and stigmatizing them instead of taking them into confidence and understanding their vulnerability! A question you must rethink on: Do you call a physically ill person a defunct? Then, how justified is it to call a mentally ill person, mad?

The awardees were chosen from a list of 700 patients from all over Maharashtra. There were two categories: the patients (shubharthi) and the caretakers (shubhankar), 3 winners in each category. They received a trophy from eminent people from various fields like art, law, journalism, social work and governance.

The awardees were interviewed elaborately about their disorder, when did they realize that they were ill, how did they feel about it, who supported them, what was their response to treatment and what do they feel after receiving this award. It was a hair-raising experience to listen to them and brought tears in my eyes! They inspire! Yes, they are the everyday heroes!

The Shubharthis:

A young 23 year old girl, suffering from OCD, working as a chef in the hotel kitchen had a tough time facing the fact and fighting it, as she did not receive expected support from her parents. She was helped by her friends staying in India and abroad. They still support her. She has underwent the whole trauma by herself, taking it in her stride, going to the doctor on her own and taking the treatment till now. She did not stop there! She helps others who face this disorder by propagating appropriate information and encouraging them to seek a counselors help.

A 25 year old boy suffering from bi-polar disorder is today a teacher in the Dharavi slum area, teaching children in the slums, all the subjects! He has overcome his disorder and explained his condition in great detail specifying all the embarrassing moments in his life, right from the stage! He showed great courage and confidence! He had a strong will power to bring change in his life and a positive attitude in others’. He calls his disorder “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum”.

A middle-aged women, suffering from schizophrenia, now works as a school teacher in “aadhaar”, an NGO. She has overcome a great many difficulties. Her husband disowned her and left her to fetch for herself. She sought medical treatment from a doctor, instead of any superstitious “babaism”. She is still undergoing treatment. She went to Rajasthan recently, to encourage such patients to seek treatment without any fear in their mind!

Then, the “Shubhankars”:

There was a couple, who had 35 year old son who is schizophrenic and had run away from the house for a period of 15 days. They thought that they had lost their son now! But some person at the other end of the city, found him and as he had given them a proper phone number could call up his parents. It was a very touching experience because if their 35 year old son had not given the exact phone number, they would not be able to find him at all! It is really very difficult to digest the fact of losing one’s son!

The last story is of a man who has taken care of his wife as a true soulmate! His wife is a schizophrenic and undergoing treatment even now. He has never accused anyone for her disorder, even though it is an arranged marriage. I am making this statement because of the generalization of incidents of disowning one’s wife, in their caste as the man himself specified! He was advised by his family members to take her to a maulvi or baba that could cure her “bhoot badha” i.e. to get rid of a ghost residing in her! However, he never listened to them as he did not believe in it and instead took her to a doctor and a counselor. He started medication and also took care of her, at times feeding her as well. One day she ran away from the house at night. He realized it only after a few hours and then he crazily went searching for her to such an extreme thinking if she had jumped of the river bridge! Eventually, he found her in the far lying unconscious. He started weeping and took her in his arms repeating umpteen times that how could he have lived his life if she had killed her or done something disastrous! When asked how he felt when he received the award…he replied with great humility that “I have done nothing great to receive this award! I was just doing my duty as a husband towards my wife! I love her and will take care of her my whole life! Also, I urge all the people here, as I tell my villagers, that mental disorder can be treated, if you extend help to the patient with love and care, treat the patient as a human being and understand the person’s vulnerability.”

It taught me a lot, the humility, courteousness, sustainability, patience and most of all courage to fight back anything in life. Despite great and severe odds, these people rose to such a pinnacle and are living their lives ahead with the same spirit. Then, instead of crying over petty matters in my life I need to look at these motivational figures every time I face a problem in my life! I am sure it will help me grow better and stronger, mentally and emotionally!

Kashmir: The Colours of Paradise

2010-06-23T05:23:00.000-07:00

Kashmir. The Paradise on Earth. It’s really beautiful. With endless mountain ranges, snow-clad tops kissing the blue sky. The pines, deodars, poplars and chinars standing tall and firm. The rivers twisting and turning, racing down the hills with ice cold glacial water. The scenic beauty of Kashmir is splendid. The royal hospitality is in tandem with the nature as well.

On our journey to Kashmir, we friends had no idea how it would turn out to be entering into a tiger’s den (land of “Sher-e-Kashmir”). Travelling towards our humble abode cum workplace was an experience in itself. Deciphering Kashmiri, spoken colloquially, was our first encounter with the transport system in Kashmir. We travelled from Jammu to Srinagar to Karan nagar to Kupwara to Sulkoot in a private sumo. Okay, we almost reached within some 17-18 hours to our “Abode of Smiles” (Basera-e-Tabbasum). There was only private transport whether bus or sumo. No public transport. One had to bargain and decide for the journey fare beforehand. The car deck played some Kashmiri songs. We all wondered why the song is being repeatedly played. However, the kind driver enhanced our knowledge that Kashmiri songs have similar tunes and it’s because we were from India or outside (as they call anybody who is not from Kashmir and coming to Kashmir is an outsider...) we did not understand original Kashmiri music (?) The sumo driver was our travel guide as well. He explained the significance of every picturesque sight in the valley, in the ranges, along the river and in the city itself.

He also turned out to be of great help as we lost our way to the destined place. His mobile was the only means for our communication with organisation’s project manager. The vodaphones, BPLs, Airtels were useless. No roaming. Only local cards were operational in Kashmir. For an Indian or outsider, as they called us, purchasing a local sim card is not that easy. If one does so he/she would naturally come under the police or military scanner (don’t know the reason why? they say for security reasons). Finally, with all the deliberations we reached our Abode of Smiles, where our compatriots were waiting to welcome us. Aged from 2 years to 17 years, all girls, they flashed broad smiles and gave a warm hug. It felt as though we met after ages.

We were served hot “noon” chai, i.e. namkeen chai, where they put salt in the tea. It actually tasted weird. But we all gulped it down our throats with a “thank you very much” response writ large on our faces when asked for more. I really cannot stop laughing recalling the incident and the expressions on everyone’s faces! We mingled around with the kids, next day, had some chat with them and listened to their bubbly voices speaking all at the same time.

We were to work alongwith the students of Social Work College in Kashmir. The work was basically an Emergency Medical Health Survey and a Vocational Training Survey. We surveyed around 45 villages in 5 Blocks of Kupwara district. It was an amazing experience for me, since day one! From accidently stepping into cow dung to jumping over the mud and tearing off my salwar right upto my knee to clumsily falling down from the edge of an elevation and getting all covered with mud and then washing it off into an ice-cold raging river dreadfully. It was worth an experience! I felt as though this part of my life would highlight the worthiness of my memoirs. Jokes apart, it was also painful, when I was down with cold, some skin infection, nausea, dysentery (worst of all! It drained me completely) and an almost paralysed tongue...

The experience brought me closer to Kashmir, the social life and culture of people. The way they welcome people, respond with dignity and respect, care and warmth. Although living in sheer poverty and widespread disparity, they offered tea and snacks to the guest or visitors who came home. They said it is in their culture to take good care of any person who visits their home or asks for any kind of help. On a single day we used to drink many cups of tea, maximum of 12 cups on one of the days in total of 24 days of survey! It may sound hilarious but it is very difficult to say “no” politely, and at the 13^th house you almost burst out and threaten them that “if you ask me for tea I will leave this place right now...”

Yet, to sum it, I would say, all’s well that ends well. We made new friends, learnt a bit of Kashmiri (no, not the songs, yet.), drank “kawa” (another type of tea made of spices with no milk), used “kangdi” (earthen pot placed in a cane basket with smoldering coal beneath the ashes) to keep ourselves warm in the cold rainy weather. And yes, made some reports of the survey, to impress our project manager and professor back at college…. No way, we made them because it was mandatory. Otherwise, we would have spent time lavishly staying in the villages and learning a little bit more of Kashmiri, isn’t it?

Thank you, Kashmir. Oh, I am so sorry. Again, the same mistake. We do not say “Thank you” or “Sorry” in Basera-e-Tabbasum... Friends do not behave with such formalities.. We learnt this as well.

Will miss Ruhi’s sweet voice, Heena’s tasty pungent food, Sunita’s warm smile, Salima’s gentle voice and sparkling eyes, Jameela’s ambitious spirit, Shaziya’s sweet chirpy speech, Soha’s infant ways, Rubina’s pranks, Afroza’s shyness…..and many more memories…

2009-11-14T23:09:00.000-08:00

"If you were in my place, what would you do?" my friend asked with agony. I consoled her, though, somewhere I felt how I wish I was in her place, which was far more better than my situation! Relationships differ and the reason isn't how a person should behave when in a particular situation. It is very funny, isn't it? At times you are sharing your worries with someone so near to you and expect a response to be that of consolation, acceptance of behaviour and to move a step ahead, confirmation of the act done is right! And the person responds in a superficial "best" friend style, just not to hurt you at the moment as he/she doesn't agree with you.
Somewhere in south Mumbai, in a social work college there's a Professor teaching "introjection", "projection", "retroflection" and so on in Transactional Analysis, chalked out by Eric Berne as if it's a "plan of communication". Relationships flow from the heart, if they had some technically-tested and verified causes and effects, then we would ask for some "emotion" surgeries as well to fix up the adamant, the haughty, the depressed, the inarticulate, the lethargic and so on...
Well, coming to the point, being an emotional fool is a part and parcel of my personality. I am proud of it. I cry when I feel sad, I laugh when I sense something funny, I get raged when something doesn't suit MY principles...you would say what's abnormal in this....everyone does the same, what's the big "gyan" you are providing...so folks to put my point through I would emphasize you go back and read the paragraph carefully, to notice this is what "I" do when "I feel" and not when its appropriate for me to do so.... If to laugh at a funeral is cynical, then answer me: the person who is dead might be doing the same, as he knows how many people, attending it, are fake with their eyeballs dipped in glycerin crying with sadistic pleasure! If crying while a child plays is weird, then tell me what should it be like to gauge the emotions overpowering on the child's mind who doesn't have a limb, is half-naked, drenched in mud and bathing in rain, playing ruthlessly against the big-daddies of some convent!
I am not justifying anything. But yes, I am stupid to mock at funeral of Dr.X, who worked in Gadchiroli, for the tribals just to cure them of malnutrition, malaria and scorpion bites, where thousands have gathered to sing ballads of the "greatness" (as they perceive!) of the divine soul...I am quite sure Dr.X would have loved if even one percent of these would have joined us on the health drive in Mokhada where a presentation about status of health in Gadchiroli was being held! But in vain, it's far more easy to come to Thane and squeeze out their "feelings"at the funeral of a great man they "know", than to go all the way to "Mokhada" sit there under some hot tin roof, listening to some group doing something in some state...er..district..er..city..anyways some place,yaar!(that's enough), on top of that it is very much a concern if they don't know whether the food and water, if they get any and on time, is hygienic enough or not!

What do I do, I introject: I am OKAY, YOU are OKAY! I take in as the the world gives, reiterating the events between birth and death of Dr.X, who had no connection with the world of mannerisms and etiquettes...but didn't mind them either..he was happy if people accepted him and equally happy if they ignored!

Or I project: I am OKAY, You are NOT OKAY! The classic example for this to me is: My relationship with Dr.X. I always disowned my indifferent attitude and blamed him for being indifferent! He, however, didn't mind it. He explained many things to me in a calm and composed manner...putting forth the importance of reflection and action. He was a true Friere fan....he liked linking his work with people and then quiz them with the impossible...they loved it and respected him....

Or I retroflect: trying to put in as many possibilities of conscience and composure which Dr.X had in order to utilise it when I would work with people in Gadchiroli or Mokhada or Roha (all three in Maharashtra)or Jhabua (MP) or Bastar (Chattisgarh) or North Cachar Hills (Assam) or Phulbani (Orissa) or Dausa (Rajasthan)....or any other village of my country....

On the day Dr.X died...though none on the Gonds of Gadchiroli were there at his death bed, they declared that day as their "swa-shasan" din, meaning "self-discipline" day, in the context of health!

Here, I don't know whether to rejoice for the Gonds or cry out loud for Dr.X who couldn't witness this turning point!

2009-01-01T03:40:00.000-08:00

Nothing succeeds like success! Wow! what a wonderful saying! positive enough to start with a "nothing"! I am too mean isn't it! I love to be so....I am impaired, broken, stuck up with this kind of behaviour....trying really really hard to get rid of it! but, habits die hard folks!
I had few grandeur moments wherein i couldn't stop myself from beaming and being blissfully happy! (no its not that the "fullstop" isn't working, but i am fixated with the "exclamation"!)
Right now, at this very moment i feel as if damn with the world, why should i ever care for anyone anytime.....i feel reckless and let loose....out of my mind and totally going insane (most of who know me would state i wasn't sane ever...!) But this moment comes and comes rarely in history when a girl shrewd enough for my stature accepts that she has gone crazy and will never ever claim sanity! Believe me ...i am craziest of all, i bow down ...i accept!
Have a happy new year (this itself seems a happy note for all those who longed for this self-admitting stuff!)

2008-10-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time that I touched this keyboard to type a few unwanted things occupying space in my mind! Dragging me through the gruesome schedules of the day, I wondered within my own self, knowing very little where I was heading for! Its amazing to wander about in a place in search of novelty. However, I dread to accept it that I was treading towards nowhere. I would have loved the process only if I knew what it was!

The agenda henceforth was to find out what I have, what I want and where am I? I found solace among the friend circle I chose and closely guarded for myself. Yet, I wasn't at peace with myself. Somewhere deep in my heart, in my soul I was wounded, disheartened and in my own eyes defeated to the expectations of my upgrading ambition!

I didn't give up, though! I sustained. I lived for the moment. I let things happen. I become a mute spectator which wasn't favouring any growth in my persona or my cognitive abilities!

Long lost friends joined in to encourage. Some new acquaintances flashed new sprouting relationships that might bear a sweet fruit of confidence, faith and trust. However, this time I was a little apprehensive to put the first step. It was a challenge, not so big, but yet it was one! I loved challenges. I was a sportsperson, so am I now! But, the relationships that counter me each day with their dynamism, seem no more sporty or healthy. They appear more as tactics and alliance policies! It is always the question as to whether a person is useful to me in the long-run or not that tears my heart into pieces! I no longer continue to be a normal person, but start acting out against myself as someone shrewd and diplomatic.

No wonder I succeed. But this is not the area where I want to succeed, is it? This question hogs my mind, my conscience each day! I sleep due to exhaustion and not satisfaction!

I long for the day of SATISFACTION!!!

Regaining "yourself"!

2007-11-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

Future is full of possibilities! For you. For the ever-growing expectations of your parents. For your well-wishers. So you tend to grab, almost pounce upon every “opportunity” that seems to make you fly high! And has the potential “success” hidden within just for you! You become super-cautious, hyperactive and gobble up every bit of influential, resourceful thing that would help you add on that “feather” in your cap!
You take every exam, screening test, interview, audition, presentation, project, assignment, etc. with utmost seriousness, sincerity and give your best shot!
But your hands shiver, your throat dries out, all of a sudden you feel a big hollow in your stomach, i.e. to say, you PANIC! That ends all! You already know your performance and the examiner need not even check your paper to hand you the results!
What a waste! Why should anyone panic when you are all set to perform your best? Why a lump in the throat when everything you know by rote? Amazing, it’s the best example of a pun in practice!
You start blaming it on “expectations” of your parents, friends, “stress”, “fear of going wrong”, “cut-throat competition”, “unfair rules”, etc. But, in fact, deep in your heart you know the reason why you failed!
Just ask yourself with pure conscience and utmost honest introspection – did you give your “best” shot? Were you really “prepared”? Did you fear the exam or the competitors? What for did you give this attempt? Are you playing a game of “not losing” instead of “winning”? Are you scared of being a “loser”? Did you choose to “fail”?
If all the answers end up with a ‘yes’, then its high time that you redefine your way of thinking! And most important, attitude towards life as well!
It’s not a fight with the world, nor is it a fight with you! In reality, it’s a process to evolve the way you are and not the way you “ought” to be as per the worldly parameters! It may sound strange to deny aggression as a part of life. But, it can always have a better format, like, checks and balances within your own personality! (Due apologies to Freud and Darwin!). You may have an Achilles' heel! But that’s fine altogether! Trying to be perfect or striving for a “perfect” image is only like running after a mirage!
The solution lies in accepting yourself as you are! That will fetch you peace with yourself, within yourself!
Sometimes you tend to emphasize too much on ‘HOW you want it?’ instead of ‘WHAT exactly do you want?’ That creates a big confusion and ultimately transforms into fear, panic and losing “yourself” to the vagaries of your own depleting confidence!
You start re-evaluating, building up measures to boost up your confidence, revive your enthusiasm, and set off afresh to face new challenges and stand up with immense resilience!
Or else, like me, you purge out all the unwanted, discouraging stuff, right onto your blog and find a solution on your own at the end of your “self-assessment” write-up!!!

For the solace of your soul!

2007-11-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

Fight for your zeal
Not compromising in any deal
For you have with you, within you
All the will power you need

Make most of your failures
Your stepping stones to succeed
Make most of your adversaries
Your inevitable yet encouraging instructors

Look for hope
Live for a goal
That’s the interwoven rope
For the solace of your soul!!!

Sailing in a small ferry

2007-11-08T07:47:00.000-08:00

Sailing in a small ferry
I asked the moon
Restless by a single query
Why don’t you rise at noon!

The day’s scorching rays
Nights darkening in all ways
Counting breaths on the countless sands
Life is draining in my hands

Emotions tearing apart my heart
Thoughts breaking my brain in parts
I am waiting since endless time
For the verdict of an only crime

I loved him with all my soul
Not in part but in whole
He was for me life personified
Then why am I being crucified!

Oh dearest moon! The soothing one!
Advised your twinkling stars
In love, there’s no gain
For sure, its no fun only pain!

Yet as I sail through
With all trust in you
Though like a caged bird
I believe in your word!

“Love doesn’t end in one blow
Even if it leaves the heart hollow
It’s an entity by itself
In a way, selfless without a self!”

Perspective

2007-02-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

As one treads through the routine of humdrum lifestyle, seldom does he/she step out of his/her pre-designed mode of life! Yet, there exists a tinge of colour to every single day!

The perspective differs! Here lies that tinge of colour! Look through the eyes of a photographer, the world is full of light-shade, colour-contrast, in and out of focus!

A journalist will help you out with the message that’s hidden behind those snaps!

A columnist will make it more expressive by adding a few precise words!

A shift in the paradigm!

A scene from the local trains, a very much familiar phenomenon of Mumbaikars! Traveling during the peak hours, will make you wiser by the end of your journey! “Hey watch out!” “How dare you push me?” Can’t you shift in a little; at least four people can sit on a bench!” “If you don’t want to get down, why the hell are you standing at the door?”

It’s such a simple thing to board a train and alight at our desired station! But then, if we try to draw some similarities from the above instances, we would realize it is quite analogous to our life process! Life has many things in hold for us! It’s like a treasure hunt! If you have the eye for events like that of a photographer, you would observe the minuscule details of your own life! A habitual sunrise/ sunset can drift you away from the 6:40 or 5:56 local train! Different faces, characteristics of varied people, a metropolitan, a cosmopolitan clan, provides you a good sample for observing the concealed traits of human beings! Faces are those snaps, read out the messages they veil! Happy, sad, tense, tired, angry, frustrated, happy-go-lucky, nervous, determined, stubborn, laid-back, accommodating ……! The list goes on! Flash a smile and wait-n-watch! Some people respond some don’t! Why?! Life’s been too hard for some, yet they manage! For some, it gets harder even while they get along! A columnist in you will effortlessly start taking notes!

Making it more stimulating, you would write somewhere on the notepad of your mind, the gist of all the comments and advice you are showered with during your journey-

“Live life as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever!”

Your Strength

2007-01-29T01:02:00.000-08:00

A pleasant morning has many beautiful things in store for the following day to evolve colours in you! You look up at the sky, lying lazily in your bed and listening to the whispers of the morning chirps! Rise-n-shine! You chalk out your plans and draw up a schedule that you are suppose to follow. Everything streamlined and prioritized!
The day begins. You pull up the garb of professionalism and start materializing on your strengths, extracting profits by every move. You work hard and smart! “Earning loads of money was never my aim. I work for job satisfaction!” Many applaud at your ‘humble’ and ‘genuine’ comment!
Showered by praises and accolades, you bask in your own glory! No doubt you deserve it, since you have toiled hard and achieved your goal! You had set your target, achieved it and are pursuing the career you chose for yourself! “Great son, I am proud of you! You have gracefully established your position among the very few who make their dreams come true!” Those words of your dad reiterate in your ears, boosting your spirits and self-esteem!
Everything is fine, until…..until someone places you next to God!
You are not supposed to go wrong! You can’t err! You make miracles happen! You are the protector of the weak! You speak up for justice! You lend a voice to the sufferer and fight for them! You are the true LEADER !
You feel all the more elated! However, all this seems to be somewhat scary! All sorts of “What ifs” start threatening your competence! You drive yourself to the extremities to retain your tag of what “they” (people) perceive you as! Life no more becomes a pleasant morning, but starts sliding into the scorching noon! You need a helping hand yourself!
And then, she emerges! A serene and glowing look on her face! A feeling of security, content and experience defining her role in your life! Your MOTHER! She is the only one who expects nothing and showers everything on you! You feel relieved!
“Son, I am just here to say that I love you very much. I know that how crucial these years are for you! But, my boy, won’t it be a little wise to as well savour the life in these years! Slow down a bit! I want my boy to age with wisdom and not with money! To cherish relationships and not just ownerships!”
You feel tranquil and cheerful as if a life regained!
Hey, Good Morning!